“Hey! Are you going to be free this weekend? Let’s catch up on a call!”

Sure. Offer extended. Gladly accepted. Consensus ad idem reached. And… the contract is never performed.

Lately, this has been the story with most of my friends. Until a few years ago, I used to be the free one, while all my friends were busy riding the capitalistic bulls by their horns. I’d complain often that they have no time to spend a few minutes to talk about nothing. Cut to now, I am that friend. When I promise that I’m going to call someone and catch up, I fully intend to deliver on it. And when such time comes, I fail. What is worse is that I fail not because I forget, but because I am lethargic.

Picking up the phone and calling someone shouldn’t take much effort. But, I’ve begun to feel that a phone call has become more arduous than it should. Our technology has progressed so much that you can call a person on WhatsApp, Telegram, Signal, or just a normal phone call. And for some reason, it looks easier to tie a string between two empty matchboxes and communicate. Every App has so many call drops that exhaust you as you attempt to re-connect.

The call drops – you call back immediately and they call back immediately – busy tone on both sides. Again, you call back another time and they call back another time – busy tone on both sides. So, you realise that the other person is trying to call you back, which means that you should give some rest and not try to call back. Unfortunately, the other person had the same realisation. And none of you calls each other for about two minutes. But then, you think that maybe now is a good time to call them back. And again! They too think the same. You call back and they call back – busy tone on both sides. Fuck, I give up!

Why haven’t these Apps or mobile companies figured out that when two people call each other at the same time, they both wish to talk to each other, and hence, their call should simply connect without requiring any phone ring? Why does an offer always need an acceptance to work out? An offer which is matched by an offer of identical terms should be an agreement. At least, when it comes to phone calls!

I rant about phone calls because I don’t have much else to whine about. I’ve had a brief sigh of happiness lately which has made me grateful for everything I have and everything I am. There was no particular trigger for this. A random walk on the roof under the light of a full moon helped dawn the idea that happiness is not always found naturally, and that you should count all the blessings to feel it. There is always someone worse off than you. I mean, I recently complained about how hot the weather is, but then, I look at the hellish heat wave sweeping Northern India which is far worse than what is here.

There’s not much to be done this summer. It is odd that we barely took up our positions and they sent us off on a summer break. But I’ll happily accept any such vacation that comes my way. I have started taking some classes for a group called ‘ILPA’. Just as I did last year, I’ve planned about ten classes of three hours each to teach the Constitution. Eight of these classes are done, and I must admit that they haven’t been an enjoyable experience. I am unable to understand the exact reason for this, although I sense a glaring lack of interest in most of the students. I’m sure they have their day jobs and come home tired, making it tough to concentrate and be alert in an evening lecture. But it is not very encouraging to see sleepy faces yawn from the very first minute of the class, even before I start speaking. Some entertain themselves as they talk to people around them and barely pay any attention, some bring in their food and eat as they listen, and some get too comfortable lying around in their bed wearing sleeveless banyans. And it shows that they aren’t paying attention when they ask me to repeat what I just explained for an hour.

I don’t care much about students who lack seriousness. God knows, that of the thousands of students I taught for CLAT, barely a few ever paid attention. For the rest, my classes were as good as cheap stand-up comedy. The standard Pareto principle applies to even such classes. That is, eighty percent of the class pays minimal attention, while the rest twenty percent learns. That equation is true in almost every class, and this makes competitive exams a little easier since the competition is only amongst the twenty percent.

There’s a separate species of students who require special mention. These are those who collect every bit of information regarding the exams, the syllabus, the prep-strategy, and more importantly, the notes. In every session they attend, they have standard questions for every teacher they meet. How to study? Which notes or books did you follow? How much time should we spend every day? How many times should we pee per hour? How can I seek attention and impress the rest of the class that I already know a lot? How can I give examples of other top rankers to show that I know them personally and I am well connected? How can I find love to fill my hollow heart? etc. I call them the Scarecrows.

The Scarecrows have all the information they need. Many a time, more information than they need. But, they are extremely incompetent when it comes to sitting their asses down and studying. That, they can never do. They are always on the lookout for a mentor just to feel confident that they are being guided on the straight path. Hardly do they realise that their engines have not even started. They required every shortcut possible, but how about simply putting their hours to study? No, thank you!

When the Scarecrows ask me for any help, I breathe hard in exasperation. And I realise that it is easier to tolerate call drops and overcome the hurdles of inefficient mobile networks than push these Scarecrows to work.