This very time, last year, there was hope. Hope that the year 2020 will be known for all the bad and it will only get better from there. The change of the calendar year would give a break from the unsavoury present and take us to better times. Covid was only a once-in-a-lifetime phenomenon that would disrupt only a cursed year, right? Well, wrong!

The year 2021 has really proved to be 2020+1. This year can make 2020 look like a rookie in making lives miserable. If nothing, there was some wishful thinking at the end of 2020 that the pandemic would be over and we will get back to the normal. But now, as 2021 ends, we’ve long forgotten all that hope, and created a normal. We’re at Omicron. But this is surely not the end. We may soon exhaust the Greek alphabet, but the mutating virus continues to spread.

All this is what everyone’s going through and my reality is no different from that of others. But, for me, that is not all. There’s a weird sense of both hollowness and satisfaction I feel with where I am in life. It is as if I am waiting for something to happen, not knowing when and what. I tried articulating this to myself and failed. So I’ll save myself the trouble of making an attempt to put it in this written word here.

All I do these days is attend classes at the Academy which try to indoctrinate us with what we must know to be efficient in our career. I often wonder how the State machinery puts up a façade of being all mighty, while not being strong enough to prove it. Despite its public stance of ‘Maximum Governance and Minimum Government’, the State desires to be as powerful as it can be. (Un)fortunately, it cannot be very strong.

There is always some incoherence between how powerful the State is and how well it is held accountable. There are some extreme cases: North Korea – where the State imposed a ban on laughter to mourn the 10th death anniversary of their former leader – or Saudi Arabia which stands tall as an autocratic monarchy overliving its time in the era of modern democratic nation-states. It is not that the other countries do not want to be a North Korea or Saudi Arabia. It is simply their inability that halts them from becoming the Big Brother they all desire to be.

The Indian case is of being neither here nor there. For those outside the Government, any public official may look as wielding too much power with too less accountability. But for those inside the Government, there is a gulf between how they are perceived by the people outside and the actual power they command. These officials are held back by their shackles and the threat that they may display against common citizenry is stronger than what it would be if such threat is realised. This power is only strong enough to tackle the weak. When it has to confront those with considerable economic or social capital, it falters.

It is here that I find myself wear this façade. Although the Judiciary is independent and autonomous as an organ, the internal hierarchical accountability is severe. But the higher you move in the hierarchy, the more disproportionately the autonomy widens. The fact that the Impeachment Articles of the Constitution have not once been used successfully against a High Court or Supreme Court judge speaks volumes. However, this is not the immunity a ‘subordinate court’ judge enjoys.

The case of lower judiciary is one of too much accountability. It requires some impossible balancing between the expectations of the High Court, the Bar, and the Parties that appear before us. Since you cannot make everyone happy, you are bound to be in the bad books of at least some. How powerful these some are will determine how well you do in your career. While you are juggling with all the stakeholders with ostensibly opposing interests, the room for you to take more initiative becomes narrow. You may become apprehensive to pro-actively do something, lest your good intentions are mistaken as means to some iniquitous ends. If at all this happens, you may reserve yourself only to do the time and do sufficiently enough not to be questioned on laxity. When questioned, all you need to find is an alibi for non-performance.

All this is uneasy. But what makes me worried is the possibility that I may join the rut and fit-in so well to become too comfortable. Here’s to hoping that it does not happen. Not so soon, at least!