They say that every human being is born with a set of abilities, skills and capacities to do things in his life. Those who use their abilities wisely in a timely manner end up successful. But the problem is that it just takes a while to realize this fact. And by the time you do realize, you would’ve wasted much of your happening life already, doing ten things simultaneously. And there goes the ‘success’. You become nothing but a victim of your unplanned and undesired childhood.
And when you think of all this, you turn yourselves into a poignant silence. The kind of abnormal life I’ve had has put me into this wonderful dilemma. If one asks as to how I’m just 18 and into the 3rd year of my graduation or why my 10th standard memorandum is titled ‘private’, I repeat the same old story to everyone. The double promotions my parents forced me to go through, the Tennis addiction and disappointments I’ve been through and the reason I didn’t do my schooling from the 8th standard onwards. Though the people might just wash it off as a fib and taradiddle, this is the truth. This is indeed the truth and I’m not at all proud of it. Yes, I might be the youngest of my batch and I swear I’m not proud of it.
No, I’m not a good writer. I’m not half as good as the kids who’ve joined my college a year after I did. I’m not good at academics. Not at moots. Not at debates. Not at Tennis. Not at Web Developing. Not even with the basic General Knowledge. As much as I love CLATGyan, I hate it for a mere reason that these kids pinch my butt making me realize that I’m not as good as they are. Every ‘Ask-Us’ query that I reply stabs me to remind me of the truth that I don’t deserve NALSAR. I’ve never had what it takes to be a NALSARite and I never will do.
I wish I had done one thing. Just one. And had nailed it. I wish I had started playing Tennis a little earlier. I wish I had taken the courage to convince my parents that I’d really want to become a commercial pilot, instead of going berserk over the Flight Simulator. I wish I had taken up Web Developing seriously enough to make it my profession. I wish I had gone to school and done nothing else. I so wish the world had been different. I wish I had been good with one thing rather than being nowhere with so many. Well, I wish that at least these thoughts, which spiel again and again, hadn’t crossed my mind.
But now what? I’m definitely not going to get my Childhood back and even if I do, I’m certain that it wouldn’t be better than what it had been. And whom do I blame for this? That is exactly the trouble I have, at the very moment. This remains, and continues to remain, a question which cannot be answered. The closest I had ever been to answering that question is to blame it all on my existence.
Just like what Mirza Ghalib said:
Gham-e-Hasti Ka Asad, Kis Se Ho Juz Marh Ilaaj?
Shamma Har Rang Mein Jalti Hai Saher Hone Tak!
What cure does your suffering from the pain of existence have? (but death)
A candle burns in every colour until the dawn.